I guess I’ve always looked for some sort of inspiration about what I should do, what decision I should make, what career path I should choose, what to pray about. It’s 1:55am in South Africa. I was laying in bed, praying. Realizing admitting that I had prayed all day besides over my food, I told God that I really didn’t know what to pray about. Even in my creativity I look for solutions to problems that either already exist or that I create for myself to solve. Chess is the same way. My oil paintings are the same way (wishing that I could insert an image of one right about here).

My father, Apostle Gary K. Jones once reminded me that when I was growing up I always tried to make other people happy. I realize now that even though I feel pretty confident in my ability to solve problems, I still look for some sort of guide for what I should be doing from one minute to the next. I look for some sign of approval from whoever is around me, including total strangers. Why is that? Why don’t I just make decisions and go for the outcome that I have created in my mind? Does everyone, or do a lot of people, live their life in this way?

For about a year or so, I have been aware of my life-long quest for self-perfection. I came to the realization that I internally criticize my family for making mistakes that I would chastise myself for. I hate repeating myself, or repeating the same action over and over again. Which is funny and ironic, because practicing music requires constant repetition. Teaching is chocked full of repetition and review. I even find myself creating routines for myself, because I understand, on an intellectual level, that I feel security within some routines. I work out most days of the week. I practice almost every day. I paint most of the time when I work out. I pray before each meal.

What does this have to do with me being in Durban, South Africa? How does this relate to the work that I do with Wright-Lead?

This entire institute is about transformation. Transforming communities means transforming individuals, or rather, individuals transforming themselves. We program our own minds. We decide what flavor our pie will be when it comes out of our brain ovens. We decide the color of our emotional aura. Even when we look for prescribed answers, we are deciding our own fates. We just may not see it that way.

Beginning Monday, June 27, 2016, we will engage ourselves and our high school learners (students) in activities that change peoples lives. We will discuss our communities and how we will improve them. We will discuss creativity, and create new songs. We will write transformative poetry. We will use photography to tell stories that words and sounds never could. We will all be changed for ever.

In my previous post, “Changing My Paradigm Part 1,” I discussed my lack of visualizing myself in Durban prior to getting on the Mega Bus toward Chicago, Illinois. There are high school learners at Bechet and Zwelibanzi High Schools in Durban that can, or desire to, see themselves arriving in the United States of America on the way to achieving their dreams. How can I help strengthen their affirmations if I don’t practice such belief myself? How can I teach my son and daughter that they can achieve whatever their hearts desire if I don’t believe the same for myself? Once more, how can I teach my middle school students the same?

“I believe it, and I receive it.” I’m sure I didn’t coin this statement. However, I used to pray this often, and I actually believed it. Perhaps I forgot what such faith feels like in recent years. I have a doctorate for crying out loud. Yet, every time I remember that, I also remember being away from my son for most of his high school years. I was away from my daughter for three of her primary school years.

Every decision causes ripple effects. This is not necessarily positive or negative. Being awake right now, at 2:19am, means that I will likely be tired when I wake up at 6:00am. But, this is important. This is the blog entry that I need to write right now, so that I can transform in this minute. And, this transformation is important for myself, before anybody else. I must grow, not just to help others, but to help myself. I must grow, because I must grow. I must be my best self for myself. This translates into setting an example and inviting others to do the same for themselves, in their own ways.

While I finished typing the paragraph above the next thought that came to me was, “Not that this is an original way of thinking, but…” I’m not even going to complete that thought, because nothing needs to be entirely original to necessarily be important. Coffee is going to taste great in the morning regardless of how new the idea is. It’s just Damn good. Pardon my strong, possibly offensive language. But, that coffee is a physical representation of this spiritual truth. This entire blog post is indeed a prayer. The entire thing.

Furaha’s co-organized Week of Prayer, a few months ago, taught me that prayer comes in many forms. It can be written word. It can be spoken word. Prayer can be scripture reading. Prayer can be musical improvisation. Prayer is whatever we use to commune with God, including our routines.

Good Night,

G. Scott Jones